ALRIGHT YOU GQ MOTHER FUCKERS. Sit down and shut up cause it’s time for your mother fucking education. Man Rules are a set of deeply important regulations that keep everything running smoothly. Due to their importance, I, with the help of ZQ and Chris Pine and some fabulously drawn coloured lines am here to teach you all about them so LISTEN UP.
Rule 1: No touching. At its most basic, Man Rules exist to minimize touching between men at all times. If at any point you are touching a man, stop it.
As you can see, the man on the left is touching the man on the right. This is unacceptable.
Rule 2: High Five or Fist Bump. There will come a time when it is necessary to congratulate a man on his awesomeness. At these times it is important to choose a high five or a fist bump as both of these are acceptable forms of touching between men
Here you can see both the "Classic HIgh Five" and the "Fist bump".
In this gif you can see the two men executing a high five and a fist bump one after another. Combinations of fist bumps and high fives are allowed, but if the sequence has more than two steps it just looks like you're trying to touch hands as much as possible. Avoid this.
It is also crucial to make sure that both men know whether this is a high five or a fist bump occasion. Confusion can result in awkward moments.
As you can see in this picture, the man on the left has his hand in a fist, while the man on the right has his hand resting open palmed on top of the other man's hand. To understand just how dangerous this moment could be, please answer the following question:
Since the hands in the picture are not clearly forming either a high five or a fist bump, the only possibly answer is C, which is dangerous territory. Avoid these types of slip ups at all costs.
Rules 3: Don't Stand Too Close! In an ideal world there would always be at least one beautiful woman between men at all times. However, this is not always case, but all men must do their best to keep enough space between them for this imaginary woman to stand. If there is not enough room for an imaginary woman to stand between you, you are standing TOO CLOSE!
Let's look at a good example first:
As you can see, there is an actual woman in the space between the two men in this picture. A+.
And now for some more problematic situations:
In these examples the women are being displaced to the sides, as there is no space between the men for them to stand. Clearly, they are TOO CLOSE!
Rule 4: Photo-ops. If you happen to be a GQ motherfucker people are going to be taking your picture all the time. In order to be properly prepared you must be able to appear in photos with another man without breaking the principles of Man Rules.
This diagram shows the proper way to pose for a picture with another man:
As you can see, both men are staring ahead with stony expressions that clearly express their disapproval at not being photographed with women surrounding them. Please note how it is immediately obvious that they are not touching in any way, and it is very clear where their hands are (this will be important later).
Let's take a look at a real life example:
Loot at these GQ Motherfuckers! The men in this picture are not touching, and are not looking happy about being photographed without women surrounding them. This is a fantastic example of the ideal photo-op situation. A+.
Now that you've seen a proper example let's compare with a less desirable scenario:
This diagram shows how not to pose with another man. As you can see the men are touching and seem quite pleased to be all snuggly with one another. Avoid these situations at all costs.
In this real life picture you can see that the men have their hands on each other's waists, which means they are participating in unnecessary touching. They are also both smiling and looking pleased about the situation, which is unacceptable as there are no women surrounding them.
Do not follow this dangerous example.
Rule 5: Photo-Ops Part Two: Watch those hands.
The secret to successful man code acceptable photographs is to keep track of where your hands are at all times. If at any point the person looking at the photo does not know that your hands are not touching the other man you have failed.
In this first picture you can see that both men have their hands behind their back and no where near the other man. A+.
In this example you can see that the ma on the right has his hand on the other man's waist. This is completely inappropriate.
In this final picture a dangerous situation is brewing. The men have not maintained a minimum safe distance and their hands are very close together. In fact, their hands are so close together that it almost looks like they are holding hands.
If someone were to get a hold of this picture and blur out the hands, or place a sensor box over them it would certainly look like they were holding hands.
This demonstrates the value of both maintaining a safe distance between men, as well as the importance of keeping track of where your hands are at all times.
You are now ready to test your skills. Please state which man rule(s) are being violated in the following photographs and explain how the men could remedy the situation.
EXTRA CREDIT: Don't say "I love you" to another man. It is only acceptable to say "I love you" after several beers with "man" added to the end as in "I love you man."
The video clip found here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/star-trek-interview-zachary-quinto-and-chris-pine/348929406 contains an inappropriate "I love you."